A Personal Reaction to Fifty Shades of Grey by Kay Donovan.

This is not a review, nor is it a response to any article or review. It is just my personal reaction to the movie Fifty Shades of Grey.


My absolute favourite line from the movie is “Am I a romantic? I study English Lit, so I kinda have to be”. That was Annastacia’s response to Christian Grey’s question if she was a romantic. And I will not be going into what does being a student of Literature have to do with being a romantic. But immediately, I understood why she did not run even though she knew from the beginning that the road ahead might not be good for her. She was young and had a quest for knowledge and experience. As a student of Literature, she was open to acquiring that knowledge and wanted to live her life to the fullest. (Can’t say I blame her).


Christian Grey had warned her from the very beginning “I am not the man for you; you should stay clear of me”. But aren’t those the men some women are attracted to? The “interesting” ones who are able to drive our emotions to heights that we’ve never experienced and to depths that make us curl up in bed for days without eating? Because just five minutes with a man like that, the ones who aren’t good for us, just five minutes, is worth fifty days of happiness. Such men will take you to a place high above the bar where you’ve never been. You allow him to do things to you that you have never done. You allow him to take you to places where you have never been because everything becomes so alive with him, even though you know he is not good for you. But just that knowledge that he is not good for you makes you want him. It makes you so attracted to him. That was the dilemma that Anastasia Steele faced in Fifty.
“Odd doesn’t even begin to cover it” Anna told her room-mate after she had gone out with Christian Grey for the first time. She knew he was dangerous and unattainable but she hung around nonetheless. Her world had lit up all of a sudden because of him. Just being with him was like magic. It was so magical that she did not want to let go. Even though she knew from early on that he was going to hurt her. “I don’t make love, I fuck hard, I don’t do the romantic thing” Christian Grey told her this about himself from the very beginning and her intelligent mind said to her “RUN!” but no, she stayed, because she wanted to see where this would go. I believe that the curiously human side of her wanted to have this experience.


Christian Grey never admitted to being a sadist but he admitted to being a “Dominant”, like so many of our men today are. “I am a Dominant, I want you to surrender yourself totally to me” he told Anna. And so for me, the movie is not so much about sadomasochism but rather it mirrors many men out there who are “Dominants”. Men who want to take care of their women totally but who demand that their women be submissive to them (sounds biblical?). Needless to say that some women are attracted that type of man, not necessarily to the sadist extent of Christian Grey but to the “Dominant” aspect. A loving healthy “Dominant” is in control of himself, knows what he wants and moves towards achieving it. This does not mean that he is self-centered. Instead he is sensitive enough to provide his woman with what she needs and wants.


Some women, as in the case of Anna, are attracted to “Dominants” because the encounter takes them to places where they have never been. Even for women who have had some sexual experience before, a man like that will make you feel as if it is your first time. Because actually, it’s your first good time. It is your first great time. In Anna’s case, it was her first time and Christain Grey made it beautiful for her. She never felt so loved before. But that was how he made her feel. Never before had she felt such passion, such desire, felt so feminine, so beautiful, and so ALIVE! It was the type of sex that she could not get out of her head, out of her mind, for not even one minute. She could hear herself moaning; feel herself writhing with passion, while going through the rest of her day. For Anna, the experience must have been as if she was on cocaine, the type that was mixed with crack. The stuff which put her on such a high. Her heart permanently beat faster than what was normal. Because during this encounter with this type of man, there is no “normalcy”. It was the kind of encounter that made her not want to be with anyone else. And so, even if she had liked Hosea that way before, she could never be with him after experiencing a Christian Grey.


Sometimes, a “Dominant” may break his own rule and start to treat his submissive special. “Appendix 5 – We will go on a date once a week like a regular couple”. Christian and Anna had an “arrangement” but even an arrangement had to be built on honesty and trust. “We have to be open and honest with each other for this to work”, “Try to keep an open mind, if you agree to be my submissive; I will be devoted to you”. If he’s kind, a “Dominant” will buy his woman gifts. Not like a car as in Fifty, but he will buy you stuff that you would never think about buying for yourself, and he will do things for you that you cannot do for yourself. Then sometimes when he wants to show that he is in charge, he will leave you at a time when you need him most. Anna had wanted Christian to stay with her after her graduation but he left. This was deliberate and cruel. It was about showing that he was in charge.


The movie is very psychological to say the least. Christian Grey had been soiled. His adopted rich mother’s friend had made him her dominant for six years from he was 15 years old. Most, but not all the time, men like Christian Grey are usually damaged. But that doesn’t say that they cannot be saved. If they find someone who truly loves them how they need to be loved. Dominants have feelings too, and in their own way they also love “madly”. And it is that “love madly” ingredient that intelligent women like Anna finds so attractive. They are affected too. But the question is what is their motivation? Anna did not tell Christian that she was going to visit her mother in Georgia and he got angry about that. It was not a relationship but he was affected because she kept back that little detail from him. He took over her mind, her thoughts, he reached into her soul. “I’ve fallen in love with you” Anna told him, “No No Anna, you can’t love me”. He did not want the responsibility of her love but he needed her to be submissive. Anna will never be able to rid herself of him, even long after the encounter ends. Christian Grey took her to places she had never been. He took her to heights she never imagined. He turned her heart upside down, literally, (as depicted in the plane ride). He turned her soul inside out and he turned her head round and round in circles, every day, every minute of the day.


“This is the last time you’ll ever do this to me” Anna finally told Christian. And yes in the movie this was about Christian Grey’s sadistic behaviour but in real life it could be anything… It could be dishonesty, infidelity, continuous put downs (dissing), being disrespectful. The sadism in the movie is metaphorical and could represent any negativity that we put up with as women. But although she said this “This is the last time…” she will never forget the experience. Some women never leave and we are not sure what Anna did (so the movie is open to a part 2, which will make more money because of the hype the naysayers have given to it) Some women never let go, some women stay because regardless of the hurt and the pain nothing else comes close to the absolute satisfying pleasure…