A Personal Reaction to Fifty Shades of Grey by Kay Donovan.

This is not a review, nor is it a response to any article or review. It is just my personal reaction to the movie Fifty Shades of Grey.


My absolute favourite line from the movie is “Am I a romantic? I study English Lit, so I kinda have to be”. That was Annastacia’s response to Christian Grey’s question if she was a romantic. And I will not be going into what does being a student of Literature have to do with being a romantic. But immediately, I understood why she did not run even though she knew from the beginning that the road ahead might not be good for her. She was young and had a quest for knowledge and experience. As a student of Literature, she was open to acquiring that knowledge and wanted to live her life to the fullest. (Can’t say I blame her).


Christian Grey had warned her from the very beginning “I am not the man for you; you should stay clear of me”. But aren’t those the men some women are attracted to? The “interesting” ones who are able to drive our emotions to heights that we’ve never experienced and to depths that make us curl up in bed for days without eating? Because just five minutes with a man like that, the ones who aren’t good for us, just five minutes, is worth fifty days of happiness. Such men will take you to a place high above the bar where you’ve never been. You allow him to do things to you that you have never done. You allow him to take you to places where you have never been because everything becomes so alive with him, even though you know he is not good for you. But just that knowledge that he is not good for you makes you want him. It makes you so attracted to him. That was the dilemma that Anastasia Steele faced in Fifty.
“Odd doesn’t even begin to cover it” Anna told her room-mate after she had gone out with Christian Grey for the first time. She knew he was dangerous and unattainable but she hung around nonetheless. Her world had lit up all of a sudden because of him. Just being with him was like magic. It was so magical that she did not want to let go. Even though she knew from early on that he was going to hurt her. “I don’t make love, I fuck hard, I don’t do the romantic thing” Christian Grey told her this about himself from the very beginning and her intelligent mind said to her “RUN!” but no, she stayed, because she wanted to see where this would go. I believe that the curiously human side of her wanted to have this experience.


Christian Grey never admitted to being a sadist but he admitted to being a “Dominant”, like so many of our men today are. “I am a Dominant, I want you to surrender yourself totally to me” he told Anna. And so for me, the movie is not so much about sadomasochism but rather it mirrors many men out there who are “Dominants”. Men who want to take care of their women totally but who demand that their women be submissive to them (sounds biblical?). Needless to say that some women are attracted that type of man, not necessarily to the sadist extent of Christian Grey but to the “Dominant” aspect. A loving healthy “Dominant” is in control of himself, knows what he wants and moves towards achieving it. This does not mean that he is self-centered. Instead he is sensitive enough to provide his woman with what she needs and wants.


Some women, as in the case of Anna, are attracted to “Dominants” because the encounter takes them to places where they have never been. Even for women who have had some sexual experience before, a man like that will make you feel as if it is your first time. Because actually, it’s your first good time. It is your first great time. In Anna’s case, it was her first time and Christain Grey made it beautiful for her. She never felt so loved before. But that was how he made her feel. Never before had she felt such passion, such desire, felt so feminine, so beautiful, and so ALIVE! It was the type of sex that she could not get out of her head, out of her mind, for not even one minute. She could hear herself moaning; feel herself writhing with passion, while going through the rest of her day. For Anna, the experience must have been as if she was on cocaine, the type that was mixed with crack. The stuff which put her on such a high. Her heart permanently beat faster than what was normal. Because during this encounter with this type of man, there is no “normalcy”. It was the kind of encounter that made her not want to be with anyone else. And so, even if she had liked Hosea that way before, she could never be with him after experiencing a Christian Grey.


Sometimes, a “Dominant” may break his own rule and start to treat his submissive special. “Appendix 5 – We will go on a date once a week like a regular couple”. Christian and Anna had an “arrangement” but even an arrangement had to be built on honesty and trust. “We have to be open and honest with each other for this to work”, “Try to keep an open mind, if you agree to be my submissive; I will be devoted to you”. If he’s kind, a “Dominant” will buy his woman gifts. Not like a car as in Fifty, but he will buy you stuff that you would never think about buying for yourself, and he will do things for you that you cannot do for yourself. Then sometimes when he wants to show that he is in charge, he will leave you at a time when you need him most. Anna had wanted Christian to stay with her after her graduation but he left. This was deliberate and cruel. It was about showing that he was in charge.


The movie is very psychological to say the least. Christian Grey had been soiled. His adopted rich mother’s friend had made him her dominant for six years from he was 15 years old. Most, but not all the time, men like Christian Grey are usually damaged. But that doesn’t say that they cannot be saved. If they find someone who truly loves them how they need to be loved. Dominants have feelings too, and in their own way they also love “madly”. And it is that “love madly” ingredient that intelligent women like Anna finds so attractive. They are affected too. But the question is what is their motivation? Anna did not tell Christian that she was going to visit her mother in Georgia and he got angry about that. It was not a relationship but he was affected because she kept back that little detail from him. He took over her mind, her thoughts, he reached into her soul. “I’ve fallen in love with you” Anna told him, “No No Anna, you can’t love me”. He did not want the responsibility of her love but he needed her to be submissive. Anna will never be able to rid herself of him, even long after the encounter ends. Christian Grey took her to places she had never been. He took her to heights she never imagined. He turned her heart upside down, literally, (as depicted in the plane ride). He turned her soul inside out and he turned her head round and round in circles, every day, every minute of the day.


“This is the last time you’ll ever do this to me” Anna finally told Christian. And yes in the movie this was about Christian Grey’s sadistic behaviour but in real life it could be anything… It could be dishonesty, infidelity, continuous put downs (dissing), being disrespectful. The sadism in the movie is metaphorical and could represent any negativity that we put up with as women. But although she said this “This is the last time…” she will never forget the experience. Some women never leave and we are not sure what Anna did (so the movie is open to a part 2, which will make more money because of the hype the naysayers have given to it) Some women never let go, some women stay because regardless of the hurt and the pain nothing else comes close to the absolute satisfying pleasure…

The Grey Areas

Life is not painted in black and white; instead it’s filled with grey. As human beings we don’t always end up with the person whom we truly love. Most of us end up with someone who is “good” for us, who can advance us materially and or socially. But that other person whom we truly love, we will always love.

And so we have to manage those ‘grey’ areas and struggle to remain true to the person we made the commitment to and still value the other person whom we truly love. Sometimes we love people who do not love us the same way, with the same depth that we love them. But we love them nevertheless. And so in an effort to protect ourselves we perform some force ‘shutdowns’ on our hearts for fear of being shunned, snubbed, rejected. Of course the sensible ones of us do that, but the crazy ones become stalkers.

Life is not painted in black and white the lines are often blurred. They cannot be defined, even though we try. Sometimes that greyness is dull because we choose to suppress a lot of how we truly feel, and for whom we feel. Sometimes rarely, it becomes exciting, a bright shade of grey (if there’s ever such a thing) a grey that’s filled with spontaneity and excitement and hope. A grey that’s deep, so deep that it is mistaken for a shade of blue, if even for some minute moments. A grey that causes us to feel, to see, to smell, to taste a little bit of what could have been had we stepped outside of the ‘black and white box’ that society, culture, conventions, religion, family, and or friends have dictated for us. And this comes with consequences I know, but there’s nothing simple about love and life. They are complicated. They are grey. Kay Ordeen January 4, 2014

A tribute to Bob Marley

Its quite uncanny that I happen to be reading Neville Garrick's report (written by Shelia Nopper) of Bob Marley's visit to Zimbabwe today February 6, Bob's birthday. Garrick shared that he believes that the trip to Zimbabwe was the highlight of Bob's career. This, he said is from the point of view of a Rasta, a black man and a freedom fighter. Initially, when the invitation from President Mugabe came for Bob to visit and perform in Zimbabwe for their independence celebrations, it was for Bob alone. But being the type of person Bob Marley was, he told the President that it would not make any sense for him alone to come because he is not just one person, he is an organisation. The long and short of it was that the Government of Zimbabwe, newly independent, did not have the funds to facilitate the entire band and so Bob Marley out of his own fortitude funded the trip to Zimbabwe from his personal funds. It is likely that Garrick feels that Zimbabwe was the highlight of Bob's career because of what transcended there. Basically "de place mash up" when Bob Marley went on the stage. People who were outside the stadium stormed inside and they had to fire tear gas at the crowd. A funny thing happened, the tear gas blew away from the crowd and into the royal box and everyone on stage had to scatter. After they were able to contain this dilemma, Bob came back on stage with "I Shot the Sheriff" but the high point was when Bob got to singing "Zimbabwe". It was as if the song was the official anthem of the country. Bob just had to hold the mike to the audience and allow them to sing their song. Garrick shared that is was a very overwhelming experience to see Zimbabwe being liberated and the red, green, gold and black flag replacing the flag of the imperialists. The experience was very uplifting, just seeing and being able to share in the pride and joy of a people. The people loved Bob Marley. They told him that if he were to stay in Zimbabwe they would make him a general. For through his music they saw him as a freedom fighter. Happy Birthday Bob! The message lives on. Favourite Bob Marley Song - "Rasta Man live up, Bongo Man don't give up"

Black Women and Their Men: The Hair and Beauty Debate

“Men and women God made us as his perfect creation, he made no mistake when he made us black with kinky hair…Now take the kinks out of your mind instead of out of your hair” (Marcus Garvey).

For black women, issues of hair and beauty have long since been problematic. Even before the issue of skin bleaching or whitening came to the fore, black women have had to grapple with the notion that straightening one’s hair might be viewed as a rejection of one’s natural self thus denying their identity and admitting (whether consciously or unconsciously) that whiteness and long silky soft hair are the standards by which beauty is to be judged. Some women have had their hair permed from they were little girls by their mothers and or guardians and so have never questioned “Why do I straighten my hair?” A lot of other women have said that straightening the hair makes it more manageable to deal with and yet others have said “it makes me look more beautiful, softer and more refined”.

Added to these reasons and responses from black women are the opinions of our men. Black men have for a while now encouraged and supported the post slavery idea that having ‘nappy’ or kinky hair is unacceptable and have promoted and paid for their women to straighten their hair. In doing so, black men have (without admitting it, and for some, without realizing it) acknowledged that whiteness is the accepted norm by which beauty should be assessed. Black women have taken this phenomenon further with the buying of hair and wearing of wigs which copy the styles of white women. Over the years, as black people we have come to allow ourselves to be defined by something outside of ourselves rather than what lies within.

It is from this context that Marcus Garvey spoke when he said ...now take these kinks out of your mind instead of out of your hair. For blacks, the shade and tone of our skin and the way we wear our hair, have over the years, become political statements. It is political as it is complex because it encompasses gender politics, identity issues and beauty anxieties (the social concerns). Additionally, the politics of beauty is made complex within the issues of racism. The issue is multifaceted and complex, and has over the years become a heated on-going debate among black people in general. Ingrid Banks in Hair Matters purports that “Hair shapes black women’s ideas about race, gender, class sexuality, images of beauty and power” and Noliwe Rooks in her book Hair Raising: Beauty, Culture and African American Women shared that although her mother was staunchly against her wearing her hair anything but natural, her grandmother believed that “hair spoke to acceptance from a certain class of African Americans but had relatively little do with white supremacy, Africa or self-esteem”(4). Rooks recalled that at age thirteen her reason for wanting to straighten her hair was not to disturb her mother who had raised her to be proud of her ‘Africanness’, but that she had recently started a new school, “and absolutely no one there wore their hair in a natural except me. I was determined to fit in with my new classmates” (3).

It is funny, uncanny and even ironic that ‘black’ magazines, the ones with articles upon articles encouraging black people to be strong and to find their inner self, advocate for, advertise and promote soft straight silky processed hair as the epitome of women’s beauty. When Marcus Garvey wrote and spoke about taking the kink out of your minds instead of out of your hair, he lived what he preached because “in his newspaper the Negro World, Garvey refused advertisements from companies which promoted the straightening of black) hair as well as the lightening of (black) skin" (Rooks 77). In her defense arguments to her mother’s restrictions about straightening her hair, Rooks used the black magazines which advertised and supported ‘whiteness’ as the benchmark to reinforce her point. “As I prepared my arguments and worked on getting up my nerve, I cut out a number of magazine advertisements to show her the styles that interested me. Because majority of my examples came from African American publications (Essence, Jet, Ebony, etc.)” (3).

So it might be true to argue therefore, that both black men and society in general have over the years supported the re-valuing of beauty, by making ‘whiteness’ with its soft silky hair, light skin and green, blue, grey eyes the centre of beauty. Thus making the issues of race, gender and beauty, political in nature. Therefore, although issues of hair and beauty are dynamic and have evolved over the different generations to mean different things both politically and socially, from black pride to stating and accepting one’s Africanness; to being able to become accepted and promoted in certain careers and organisations and or class structures (within the same black society); to one’s acceptance or none acceptance that whiteness is not the standard by which beauty is to be judged; to a freeing of one’s self mentally by taking the kink out of our minds instead of out of our hair and focus on the real important issues in life; the larger issue I have argued, has to do with gender politics. It has to do with black men’s promotion and idea of beauty and consequently their acceptance or rejection of how black women purport that beauty.

Black men, need to discover their ancestry and find themselves by emanating into a consciousness and acceptance that ‘whiteness’ is not the standard by which beauty is to be judged. After this is achieved, then the society, including organisations which they lead, such as the banks and other businesses will not look down on, prejudice, or refuse to accept black women with ‘kinky’ hair or natural hair styles into their organisations. Additionally, black women too, need to come into their own consciousness of why they do what they do. No doubt, power, sexuality and acceptance play a large part in the hair debate but women need to focus on the more substantial issues such as knowing who you are, what you believe in and what are those things that make you happy.

Kayann Henry December 12, 2012

Good Deeds - A review of Tyler Perry's latest film

The movie Good Deeds is the latest of writer and director Tyler Perry ‘projects’ and could be deemed as the best so far. Since his days back in 1992 of staging plays, there has been much improvement in the quality of his work and Good Deeds, which is now going into its fourth week of showing at the Carib Cinema in Kingston attest to a steady upward mobility in the fine tuning and progress in his movie content and film career.

Over the years, Perry has focused on themes such as the dysfunctional family and family life in general; Meet the Browns, House of Payne (plays) and the Madea Series (films) are high on the family issue, while, Diary of a Mad Black Woman and the Why Should I Get Married sequels focused on marriage and its accompanying problems. Somewhere in that mix he directed Daddy’s Little Girls which was about a father’s fight for his daughters. Except for Daddy’s Little Girls, Perry’s films have not received favourable reviews from critics but they have made healthy sums of money at the box office.

At the Carib Cinema last Tuesday evening, Good Deeds was totally sold out, not an empty seat visible, and the audience, typical at the Carib Theatre, was fully engaged and participated in the movie by voicing aloud their opinions and emotions. The film is about a well to do black man (Tyler Perry) from a well to do family who was at a deciding point in his life. He managed a successful family business inherited from his father and was engaged to a beautiful and self sufficient woman (Gabrielle Union). His life was in a rut but to the spectator it was a ‘good’ rut. He had everything life could offer so why then was he at work until 3:00am most mornings? He meets a woman (Thandie Newton) who works as a night Janitor at his company and who he felt drawn to and ends up helping. The movie is a critique on society’s values; encourages spontaneity; being true to one’s self and one’s desires; helps; siblings rivalry; the effects of the appearance of a “third” party in what could be termed ‘a previously solid relationship’ and questions if love is enough.

Good Deeds is particularly good because it is devoid of the pretentiousness that is present in the Why Did I Get Married sequels and the horrific drag of Madea, present in his other films. Good Deeds is evidence that Perry’s talent as both a writer and a director has matured and that his reputation and financial success are affording him to be able to attract a more auspicious professional set of actors such as Thandie Newton from Beloved who brought real depth and feeling to her role as someone who experiences hard times. The diverse music track is also worth mentioning and brings a lot of texture and feeling to the plot, conveying the necessary emotional dimension at the right time which regulates spectator’s reaction and moods from laughter to tears to anger.

The De-Kay by Kay Ordeen

I didn’t paint my toes and I didn’t groom my hair
I had been sick and under repair
I didn’t mean for them to stare
I just wanted to remain bare
To see if he would still care

Needless to say he failed
But to his own avail;
He says he still loves me
But he left out
“only when you are pre-tty”

Now that I am healed, my emotions are cold
And they refuse to respond to his breathless hold.
He cannot understand what he has done to me
To have ignited such repeal.
Because all I’ve been is polite
For in me there is no spite
And in my body there is no fight

I was not screening him, I’m sure
But he has failed his own tests galore
Now we should go our separate ways
But instead we latch on to these our ending days

Is there hope for us I ask?
As I gently put on back my mask
I get stronger every day
And rebuild my walls from their de-kay.

Rock Music Coming Out of Jamaica?

Last Thursday, February 16, 2012, the Institute of Caribbean Studies and Reggae Studies unit at the University of the West Indies, Mona hosted the 15th Annual Bob Marley Lecture. Over the last four years that I have been attending this particular lecture, the various presenters have sought to look at issues emanating from Bob’s life such as: the politics involved in the relationship of the Wailers; Africa; Rastafari and Dancehall. But this year, Professor Mike Alleyne, a UWI PhD in Literatures of English Graduate, colourfully and excitedly exposed a rather captivated audience to “For the Record: Bob Marley’s Island Albums and the 40th Anniversary of Catch A Fire”

The presentation was filled with some lively and vivid slides of album covers and a sharp demonstration in sounds of the different kinds of mixing of Marley’s music over the years. This year, the lecture was actually about Marley’s music, how it was made, mixed and marketed.

The term ‘Island Albums’ refer to those Albums which were executively produced and marketed by Chris Blackwell’s Island Records. Alleyne in his presentation looked at the first such album, Catch a Fire, now in its fortieth year, in relation to all the other Island Albums which came after and compared their successes. Of course he spent quite a bit of time on Catch A Fire showing his audience how the mixing, the album cover and the sequencing of the songs contributed to its success on the overseas market.

It was rather surprising to hear that it was marketed as ‘rock reggae’ over and against ‘raw reggae’ to the international community as Blackwell believed that at that time in 1972 rock music was what appealed to patrons. And so, Catch A Fire was popular and successful beyond Jamaica because of its foreign rock infusions in the mixing of the songs. To demonstrate his point, Alleyne played a piece of the local version of Stir It Up and also the rock version which was marketed abroad. This, much to his audience pleasure and delight. Indeed the sounds are different, but the question is which sound is better and is there an ‘authentic’ sound for reggae music? In order to make the discussion a little more complicated, Alleyne showed Marley in an interview who when asked about the mixing answered “…plenty music get lost in mixing”.

In the cross cultural synthesis of Catch A Fire, even the album cover was rock focused. Alleyne believes that “the cover represents the epitome of album packaging”. And it was not until later on that the cover with Marley smoking the ganja spliff came out. The other Island albums, Survival, Kaya, Rastaman Vibration, Uprising and even Exedous were not as popular as Catch a Fire which was a work of artistic contradictions.

This year’s Bob Marley lecture is the best I have attended so far and undoubtedly, this was due to the high quality of the presentation. The venue, the Neville Hall Lecture Theatre added some amount of essence to the affair over and against the laid back, free flow attitude that one usually gets when events of such cultural importance are held at the Undercroft.